Healing From Loss
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At some point in our lives, we will find ourselves healing from loss. For women, this is especially true when miscarriage, stillbirth, or other loss of child happens.
This reflection is from 2011, shortly after I attended my first healing Mass.
Earlier in the week, I was asked if I could be an accompanist at a healing Mass on a Wednesday evening.
I didn’t have anything else on the calendar and decided that I would accept the chance to minister through music at our parish.
I only had a short pocket of time to practice the music before the appointed hour, but as the music was mostly familiar songs I was not concerned.
I had planned to fit a second practice time that afternoon, but the boys’ had other ideas.
Instead of rehearsing, I was teetering on the edge of sanity while collecting garbage the boys had left trailing through the schoolroom.
All the while I was longing for time away from them….
When I arrived to rehearse with the cantor, I saw the signage indicating the Mass was for those healing from the loss of a child.
Can I just say that seeing the signs had me thinking about how fortunate I am to have four boys to drive me bonkers?
A Service to Promote Healing From Loss
The Mass was far from crowded (maybe a dozen individuals), but it was profoundly moving.
Everyone in attendance had the opportunity to drop a pearl (or more) into a glass bowl of salted water.
The saltwater was symbolic of the tears shed over the loss of a child (or children) as well as reminiscent of the amniotic fluid that cradles each of us in utero.
After dropping the pearl or pearls into the saltwater, Father anointed you with oil.
At the conclusion of Mass, the pearls were taken out to the Healing Garden and deposited where a statue of Our Lady is planned to reside.
Beyond the opportunity to put my heated emotions of the day in check, I really appreciated that this Mass sought to recognize any loss of a child.
For some, the loss of a child through miscarriage is viewed differently from the loss of a child at birth or later in their life.
upon when the miscarriage occurred, some well-meaning individuals might attempt to discount the loss as if a child never existed.
While the pain might be different, it is still a loss to grieve and find healing.
I know that Mr. O and I are fortunate to have had only two miscarriages occur (to our knowledge.)
Some of our friends have suffered numerous miscarriages and there have been a few stillbirths and other losses among family and friends.
Yet, I still have occasion to wonder about the children we never knew.
Would we have been blessed with another boy or might we have had a daughter?
What would that child be like and grow up to become?
How might our lives had been different with one more member of the family?
Music Selections for Healing
The songs selected for the Mass are most likely familiar to many Catholics and possibly others as well.
I’ve already shared a version of Shepherd Me, O God during the 40 Days of Seeking Him meme this Lent.
Below are links to the other selections:
We Will Rise Again (you can hear the lady who cantored that night singing it on a promo video )
I can not say that my playing was anywhere close to perfect.
I was grateful to have 2 other ladies come to sing as well as a guitarist to play with me.
Together, everything just blended.
Several of the parishioners who stayed for a small reception after Mass kept thanking us for the music that evening.
I am so honored to have had the opportunity to minister through music and am thankful that I could also spend time in prayer both lifting others up and recognizing loss in my own life.
I realized that having the occasion to talk about the loss is a powerful step towards healing wounds we might not even recognize.
Finally, the Mass served as a reminder that Jesus can heal us… we only need to bring the pain and suffering to his feet.
As the parent of a stillborn son, I think this is a tender and sensitive subject that is sometimes overlooked. Or perhaps it’s skirted around because, as one friend told me, “I want to say something to you, but I have no idea what to say.” Thanks so much for sharing!
Deborah,
Thank you so much for your comment. I’ve actually considered writing a follow up post about my last miscarriage. I attended a “Blue Christmas” service with my husband that year in part because of our loss. Your friend expressed so well what many of us struggle with when it comes to loss ~ we want to say something, but don’t want our words to end up causing pain when they aren’t intended that way.
It sounds like it was a beautiful mass, and healing to you, as well. Sometimes the hardest days are the ones that bring me closest to my boys.