Transform Your Relationship: 12 Days of Romance to Enhance Intimacy

Ready to transform your relationship? Explore the transformative power of love and connection with 12 Days of Romance to Enhance Intimacy. Discover simple ideas and meaningful gestures that will enhance your emotional bond and leave you both feeling deeply connected.

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Relationships are tricky business.

We hear the stories of people meeting the love of their life and just knowing everything is going to be fabulous together.

Fairy tales like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty with the handsome prince saving the fair maiden from a miserable life paint the picture of a “happily ever after.”

Sorry.

You can’t just fall in love one day, get married and expect to have the fairy tale just happen.

Nope.

Marriage takes work – a LOT of work – to have a thriving relationship that lasts.

In 2015, my husband and I marked our 20th anniversary.  

In our modern culture, that is something to celebrate.  

And, we do celebrate that milestone and the wonderful boys we’ve brought into the world as a result of our marriage.

We reached our 25th anniversary during the fun of the pandemic in 2020. No big celebration for that one! Maybe by our 30th in a few years, we will actually do something for it.

That does NOT mean we have a fairytale life where all is easy and problems do not exist.

Rather, there have been times when I didn’t know if we’d make it to 20 years or beyond.

I can pretty much guarantee that there isn’t a marriage without their struggles.  Or, if there is it isn’t a very fulfilling relationship.

The Key to Enhance Intimacy in Your Relationship

Earlier this fall, my husband and I attended a retreat with a primary focus on fostering communication and working to build a marriage relationship.

A key takeaway from our time there:

You have to MAKE the time to WORK on your relationship if you want it to not only survive but thrive.

How can that happen?

ROMANCING your spouse.

Yep… I just said we need to romance our spouses (not just go on a date!)

Think back to those early days of dating when everything was fresh and new.  

I bet you did some things that were not your cup of tea, just because you knew it would be pleasing to your beloved.

Yet, did you continue down that path after saying “I do” and having kids join the family?  

My guess is that many of us fall into that trap of doing things for the kids and everyone except our spouse.

The whole idea of romance may have flown out the window.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Thankfully, you can always do something to improve things.

12 Simple Ways to Enhance Intimacy

Intimacy provides a strong foundation for a healthy relationship, not only physically but also emotionally and mentally.

While many couples believe that intimacy is only about sex, it is much more than that.

Intimacy involves a deep connection between two individuals that can be achieved through various activities, such as communication, affection, and romance.

I’ve heard the phrase “Into Me, You See” to sum up intimacy in a marriage.

You will find 12 ideas for actions to enhance intimacy in marriage with the final result being a better relationship.  

These are easy-to-implement ideas that can be done even during the busy holiday season.

Couples who make an effort to prioritize intimacy and romance in their marriage will not only strengthen their bond but also create a solid foundation for a long-lasting and fulfilling partnership.

If you use even a few of the ideas, you’ll most likely reap positive rewards for your effort.

By doing one idea a day, you can experience 12 Days to Enhance Intimacy in your home.

Write Them Love Notes

Okay, this might seem a bit cheesy to some.

Trust me, a little note slipped into their briefcase, left by the coffee if you’re leaving the house first, or sent via text can help brighten their day and lets them know you are thinking about them and LOVE them.

Pick up a post-it notepad and stick one onto the bathroom mirror each morning or night so they’ll see it

Say it IN the message: “I LOVE You!”

If cutesy writing is your style, draw a little heart for love. Or grab some stickers to add a little flair to your note.

While you could do this for just ONE of the days, I’d highly recommend doing it daily and seeing how your intimacy grows.

Do a Good Deed for Your Spouse

Ideally, this should be something that you know they don’t like to do and you’ve eased their burden by doing it for them.

One friend told me that she hates to pump gas. Considering how brutally cold the weather can be in Alaska, I am right there with her during those arctic days. Her husband recognizes this distaste and fills her tank when he sees it is getting low.

For others, it could be cleaning the dishes so the sink is empty in the morning.

A simple act of service goes a long way to making deposits in the love bank we all keep.

Hold Hands in Public

When you look at pictures that just about scream romance, you might notice that the couple is often holding hands.

This might be something that came naturally in those early days but fell by the wayside with so many other things.

Yet, this very simple physical connection helps to foster bonds regardless of how many years you have been together.  

It also broadcasts to the world that THIS is that special person in your life. He is mine and I am his…what’s not romantic about that?

Go for a Walk or Drive

This could be as simple as a stroll around the block or more involved like a hike up the mountainside.  

Take time to be physically moving with them and maybe even do it holding hands.

Alternatively, if the weather outside is frightful, take a drive around to see the sights or admire the evening sky. The holidays usually offer the opportunity to look at the lights on the houses.

In Alaska, there is the possibility of driving to a good spot for viewing the Northern Lights. For those living on the coast, you can visit a nearby beach and take in the moon over the water or a colorful sunrise or sunset.

Give Them a Hug and Kiss Upon Returning Home

Like the love notes, this is something that takes almost no time but can have a huge impact on their day.

It may seem simple, but it can mean the world to them. It’s a sweet way to show that you’ve missed them and that they’re important to you.

Plus, it can brighten up their whole day! So go ahead, give them a warm welcome home, and let them know how happy you are to see them.

Bonus tip: Instead of bombarding them with a laundry list of tasks or responsibilities, take a few minutes to sit down together and catch up. Ask about their day, listen attentively, and show genuine interest in what they have to say.

This small act of undivided attention can make them feel truly seen and appreciated. rather than slamming them with a long honey-do list.

Cook Together

Working together on a common goal is a great way to help build a relationship.

What better way than to meet up in the kitchen to make a dish or entire meal together?  

A sorority sister shared that making homemade pizza is a favorite at-home date night for her and her husband.  We are partial to my garlic herb pizza crust and almost always make one stuffed crust pizza with it.

So, pick something to make…like maybe a batch of cookies for the holidays….and have fun in the process.

Share Your Dreams for the Future

Thinking back to those early days again, you probably spent a fair amount of time talking about your dreams for the future, whether personal or as a couple.

Maybe you dreamt of traveling to different countries or going scuba diving. Or you wanted to learn an instrument or other skill that got set by the wayside.

Regardless of what they were, dreams are something that we all have.

Sharing them with your spouse can be considered a cornerstone of your relationship. It is often how we build and enhance intimacy in a relationship.

After all, if you can’t share your dreams within your most intimate relationship, where can you share them?

Put it in Writing

Take the time to first write it out as a letter to your spouse.

As much as I’d like to think I am a good communicator, I know that sometimes it is easier to put the words down onto paper and then share it with him.

You don’t have to make it super long…even just sharing one dream you have for the upcoming year is a great start.

There have been times in our married life when there didn’t seem to be a quiet spot in the house. Or, you’d find a quiet spot, and a child would quickly find you and stick their nose into your business.  If you have kids at that stage of life, it might be a late-night proposition.

Find the space and time to do it.  

This is an activity we did during our retreat. It had us realizing there were common dreams that can become goals and put into action in our future.

Talking about it is the first step in the process.

Sit by the Fire or Get Your Dance Moves On

If you have a fireplace, light it on up and enjoy some quiet time admiring the flickering flames with or without music on in the background.

Alternatively, pick some music you both like and get dancing.

It could be fast-paced tunes that help you relive your youth or something slow to just stand in a close embrace and sway.

Don’t forget your beverages and snacks, too!  

This is like a mini date night but could be done any time of the day.

Pick Up a Special Gift

This could be the traditional flowers or chocolates or maybe something a little more intimate like new jewelry or sleepwear. Or, even a book or CD they’ve been wanting and downplayed the desire as a waste of financial resources.

I’ll admit that I went years without receiving flowers from my husband. That was MY fault for asking him to not waste money on something that would just be dead in a few days.

It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate the gesture or the aesthetic appeal the flowers provided.

Rather, I implied they were a waste at that particular point in time as money was tight and I’d rather forgo niceties for my boys to have things.

Finances are no longer that tight. Plus, we’ve discovered that warehouse clubs have lovely bouquets at more affordable prices than a traditional florist.

So, we do periodically splurge on flowers to brighten the environment.

Plan a Date Night

This could be actually going out to a restaurant or having a quiet meal at home when the kids are in bed.

The key is to do something together without the kids and have conversations that do not revolve around the kids or household concerns.

And, it doesn’t have to be a complete meal out!  You could go to an ice cream shop or coffee shop to have a special treat and time for conversation.

A while back, I shared about making a gift bag for my husband with date night coupons. There are other ideas there, too.

Give Each Other a Massage

Okay, I’ll admit that this is most definitely a part of MY love language. Whether it is a full body rub down or just massaging my feet, I love, love, love when my husband does this.

Find a good massage oil or blend your own together.  
Play some relaxing music in the background.
A bit of essential oil can add a little twist to the whole experience, too.

If you live in a colder climate, you might fall in love with K-Y® Warming Liquid®.  This is a warming cream that can be used pretty much from head to toe. Their warming oil has been a favorite of mine for years during the winter as a massage oil as it helps me keep from feeling cold.

(Note: Women who are pregnant or nursing should consult their healthcare provider before using this product. And, as always, please consult a healthcare provider with additional concerns or questions.)

Set the Mood for Love

Most of the 12 Days of Romance suggestions are things that all build up to those intimate moments in the bedroom (or hotel room if you opt to splurge.)  

Romance is far more than grand gestures.

Focusing on things that foster feelings of love will work in concert with those moments of physical connection to enhance intimacy.

Consider the ambiance you want to set.

Dim the lights or turn off the overhead lighting in favor of something more soothing like candles or even a small pre-lit tree.

Put in music that has you thinking of romance.

Make sure you have everything you need for this special time including drinks, snacks, and a container of K-Y® for massage or as a lubricant if dryness is an issue.

Turn off all distractions.
Put cell phones to vibrate or on silent.
Lock the door if there’s anyone that might interrupt your quiet time alone.

Then just be present with your spouse and enjoy the evening.

To make this easier to do, I created a 12 Days of Romance printable which contains coupons for some of the ideas and a blank sheet to write out your own.  

Alternatively, you can use them for your love notes with a holiday graphic.

What are some ways that you romance your spouse to enhance intimacy?
What’s a favorite date night activity for you?

Additional Relationship Posts to Read

3 Effects on Relationships from Making Gratitude a Way of Life
Easy Ways to Improve Physical Intimacy in Marriage
10 Tips for How to Get in the Mood!
Freedom to be Spontaneous in Your Marital Relationship

More FREE Printables for Moms

This post was originally published on Dec. 16, 2015 and has since been updated.

This post, 12 Days of Romance to Enhance Intimacy in Marriage, has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #KYTrySomethingNew #CollectiveBias