Sending a Child to School Does Not Make You A Failure

I have been, or can be if you click on a link and make a purchase, compensated via a cash payment, gift, or something else of value for writing this post. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

There is no one way to go about raising a child, including educational options.  Every child and family is different and the best solution one year may not be the best the next year. Unfortunately, our society at times sends out messages which have parents thinking they have ‘flunked’ the test. Some who homeschool are very enthusiastic supporters who may give off the impression that homeschooling is the best and only way you should educate your child. However, I strongly believe that sending a child to school does not make you a failure.  (Otherwise, I’d have to give myself an F!)

We have not always homeschooled our boys.  However, when we began the process and liked the results, I started to buy into the notion we would homeschool for life. But, before I get a bit more into how we embraced what some call a hybrid homeschooling lifestyle, I feel like I should share a bit of our journey to homeschooling.

From Parochial School to Homeschooling

When our eldest was ready to start kindergarten, we elected to send him to our parochial school. We were not fully confident in the half-day kindergarten program at our local public school and felt strongly that he needed a firm foundation in our Catholic values. I had been working part time and saving up money for the tuition and became one of those parents who volunteered in the classroom so I could have an active role in his school life. Homeschooling was something I knew about, but was not something I felt that my child and I would survive at that moment in time.

That same process repeated for son #2 who was super eager to enter kindergarten so he could ride the bus with his big brother, pack his own lunch and make friends. Within short order he had a close knit group of friends in his small class and I was back to the weekly volunteer gig in his classroom with son #3 in tow.  My house was getting back into order again with just my preschool aged son with me all day. Life seemed good.

That year was also when my eldest son really started having issues in school.  Yes, dropping grades was an issue which was in part due to his teacher being out for illness and a sub not keeping pace well during those months.  But, more disconcerting was his emotional state with frequent illnesses that miraculously ‘healed’ themselves about 2 hours after school started and he was still home.  The worse was having him cry out about hating his life and wanting it to just end. 

My concerns to the school psychologist were quickly dismissed as having nothing to do with his experience at school when her interview with the teacher netted a response that his behavior in class was perfect.  Given my own propensity to stuff feelings inside and not let them show in public, I knew there was more to it. 

By the end of that January, we made the decision to homeschool him the following year.  We’d signed a contract with the school and felt like his knowing his remaining time there was limited made things better. Our other son was given the chance to decide about whether to remain in the school the next year or come home with his brother.  My own anxiety went down as well. The principal tried to convince me to change my mind when I announced our son was not returning the next year. However, I knew deep in my heart is was the right choice for that child at that time.

From Homeschooling Everyone to Sending One to Public School

For several years, homeschooling went well.  Yes, we had ups and downs. But, overall the boys were learning and I was enjoying the journey alongside them.  The 9 weeks prior to our youngest son’s birth and our subsequent birth was a streamlined, phenomenal learning time.  Things were going great.

However, as children grow, so do their needs.  Balancing everything for 4 different grade levels (preK, elementary, middle and high school) became extremely challenging, especially with a high school student that loves to procrastinate. So, my elementary aged son started to fall through the cracks of our homeschool with me unable to dedicate as much time to his needs.  Challenges in relationships between the boys led to a sometimes hostile environment.  My son began asking to go to school to be away from his brothers and to make friends beyond Cub Scouts. A series of events led to him going to a local school which became the best decision we could have made.

I was afraid to even mention I was considering sending one of our boys to a local school as it might look like I’d been unable to ‘hack it’ as a homeschool mom. In some ways, his going to school had me worried people might think that I had thrown in the towel because of weakness on my part. 

I #homeschool 2 boys, but send 1 to public school now. I’ve released #parenting #guilt & want to share why ==> http://t.co/kPqX9vsHck

— Laura O’Neill (@LauraOinAK) September 9, 2015

Yes, I was still going to be home educating my other boys.  But, I needed to discern for myself that sending my child to school did not equate to a failure on my part.  Rather, it was a decision made after careful discernment and reflected the best choice for that child and our family at that point in time.

We were blessed that he had a wonderful veteran male teacher for both 5th and 6th grades. This teacher set the bar high and wasn’t afraid to give a child an F if they deserved it. He possesses a love of learning and projects that enthusiasm to the students.  Rather than coming home and complaining to me, my son embraced the challenges and made significant improvement in some areas that he had fought over with me in the past.  

The new 5th and 6th grade #math.

A photo posted by Laura (@lauraoinak) on May 21, 2014 at 4:22pm PDT

He entered 5th grade with so so handwriting and no ability to write in cursive. By the Christmas break that year, his handwriting was the second best in the house and his teacher offered him the compliment of showing significant improvement in that area. He also loved the interaction with other kids, hands on projects each quarter, and the opportunity to compete for the school in the Battle of the Books program.

 

This year he has begun middle school as a 7th grader.  My husband and I attended the back to school night for the school to hear each teacher’s spiel.  Some of them seem great and others have me wondering if that particular class will be a waste of his time. Yet, I don’t hear him complaining about any of the classes or work thus far with the exception of math. He should be in pre-algebra this year, but he is being made to suffer the natural consequences of poor choices over turning in homework (or should I say NOT turning it in) last year which netted him a low grade.

I can’t say for how long this particular child will remain in a school while his siblings are home educated.  But, I can say that to meet his needs and those of the family, it is the best decision at this time. And, I won’t let anyone (myself included) make me feel like a failure for not continuing to homeschool him.

I am not alone in adjusting to fit everyone’s needs…

I also know that I am not alone in having made the decision to send a previously homeschooled child to school.  My friend, Candace, who blogs at His Mercy is New, did just that last year with a one year break from educating the kids at home.  Here’s what she has to share about it:

“We began homeschooling when my oldest was just 3 years old. I was a kindergarten teacher before having babies so this preschool and kindergarten age was FUN; I was confident and the first several years of homeschooling our 3 children are still some of my fondest memories. When my kids hit middle school, the tears started, the arguments over school work, coupled with the depression and anxiety I am prone to, just a bad combination. So, I listened and waited on the Lord as He gently whispered that trying out a year in school would not be the end of the world. {grin} And, our year in private school was, for the most part, a good thing. You can read 10 Lessons I Learned in the Transition from Homeschool to Private school here. Finally, this year, we are now homeschooling again. I wasn’t exactly excited about it. I kind of went into this year kicking and screaming. But, God reminded me that being a parent is a huge act of trust and surrender. Every day. So, I had to remind myself that homeschooling is not about me.”

A fellow Schoolhouse Review Crewmate, Shecki from Greatly Blessed, shared about adjustment issues when her son entered school:

“We decided to send our eldest to private school for high school after homeschooling through 8th grade.  A few days in, I get a phone call from one of his teachers.  “I’m Zach’s math teacher, and I wanted to let you know he’s struggling, so you can help at home and he doesn’t fall behind.”  Wow, what personal service!  I was thrilled.  I replied, “Thank you for letting me know.  We will certainly work on that.  One thing you should know about Zach is that he’s been homeschooled the last 8 years, so he’s still adjusting to classroom life and changing classes and such.”  She responded, “Oh, that explains it!  He’s been forgetting his name!”  Now, I know the child knows his name, I holler it at him all the time, so I look at the phone a little funny and she says, “On his papers.”  Then the light bulb goes on for me, and we enjoy a good laugh.

The moral of the story is, if you are going to send a child who’s been homeschooling off to classroom school, you might want to remind them to write their name on all their papers. “

 

Have you ever felt like a decision you made had you looking inadequate?

Have you ever had a child (or children) who have split time between a school setting and learning at home?

 

Don’t miss these other posts related to home education and parenting!