TOS Crew Question of the Week – Socialization

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For the TOS Crew Facebook page, they are now doing a weekly Question with the ability of Crewmates to write a blog post on the topic. I remember when the idea of homeschooling was fresh in my mind that I sought out books about homeschooling and talked with friends when making the decision. In many ways, this series of carnival like posts with links to blogs tackling the topic is just what I would have loved to come across. And, to be honest, if there is one thing I’ve learned the questions do not always go away with time. If anything, some questions have a change in emphasis as the kids mature (e.g. what is a great curriculum to use in our family?) and new questions appear altogether (e.g. how do I homeschool through high school?)

Starting off the new TOS Crew Question of the Week is the infamous “What about socialization?” theme. There are times in a homeschooler’s life that you might feel like categorizing the word socialization as a forbidden topic. I am sure many a homeschooler has rolled their eyes when a well meaning individual brings it up when they learn the kids are homeschooled. Or, you might have felt under attack as if you would not want your children to be capable of functioning in our world. After all, aren’t you isolating the kids??

Socialization as an issue among homeschoolers is such a broad one that no one blog post could possibly cover it all. Besides, I know that my family is in a different season of homeschooling compared to other families. So, for this post, I’m going to talk about what I consider socialization and how I’ve gone about making sure my family is ‘socialized’.

To me, socialization encompasses the ability to function in different social environments. Those with kids in a school system might view it as interacting with kids of their own age. While that’s nice, I find that the boys often interact better with a breadth of ages rather than being around only kids their own age.

One case in point: P attended parochial school through third grade. By then, there was a definite segregation by gender with the presence of boyfriend-girlfriend pairing already happening. For several years, one of his best friends had been a female classmate. But, by the end of third grade the gender divide was starting to affect that relationship. Neither P or his friend stopped enjoying each other’s company. Rather they started to buy into the vision of gender separation that was occurring among their classmates. What I have seen since homeschooling the boys is that they continue to have friends of both genders and that a few years difference in age isn’t seen as a major stumbling block for a friendship.

Over the years, the boys have also had the opportunity to experience a classroom like setting through co-operatives and time in religious education. They also get a dose of age specific contact in Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts. We were also incredibly blessed to have active homeschool groups near us in Maryland that provided a variety of opportunities. Not only did the local groups help the boys with socialization, it also helped me to feel connected.

Ahhh…so there’s another aspect of the socialization thread that sometimes is never brought up by well meaning friends and family….is MOM being ‘socialized’??

I remember when I was younger that my mom had friends in each town we called home. She, along with many others in the neighborhood, was a stay at home mother. You could still find the ladies gathering for chat over coffee while the little ones played or the school aged kids were in school. But, finding that environment now is difficult since so many families find themselves in need of two incomes just to survive. Instead, most adults find their friendships formed through connections at work and/or church.

From my own personal experience, I would say that finding a friend in a homeschool community might prove easier than finding one through work or even church. Others might disagree, but it is what I have found. I always got along well with co-workers and had many a good chat during a break or over lunch. But, it was very rare that we spent time together away from the office. I did have one co-worker in Ohio that started attending our church, so I kept in touch with him after leaving my job while we still lived in Ohio.

Another avenue that sometimes can forge a friendship in the adult world is through organizations akin to extracurricular activities during high school and college. Sorority Alumnae chapters and active participation in La Leche League Groups did build up potential friendships, but nothing that came close to a best friend situation.

No….when those deeper friendships developed for me was after I became active in homeschool groups. Maybe it is that other homeschool parents have a deep desire for strong bonds that leads to this result. But, I can say with no hesitation that it is through ‘socialization’ with other homeschool parents that I have found new friends with whom I have a stronger connection.

There you have it…my thoughts on two big components to the socialization in homeschooling ‘situation.’ So far, we haven’t had any major struggles in feeling connected. However, that has changed with our recent move to Alaska. I am slowly finding some groups and hope to attend some ‘events’ soon. The boys will be seeking out new Scout groups once we know where we’ll be living for the long term. The same goes for a new, permanent church. Thankfully, I can stay connected with friends through email and Facebook. And, I am confident that in time God will help us forge new friendships and find avenues for socializing here in Alaska.